Peonix Rising

Is it worse to let go of something that was beautiful in hope of a positive transformation? Or let go of something once beautiful in fear of losing it forever? They never tell it's an easy decision, but you don't expect it to be so hard of a picture to see. Even as you make life altering decisions, the amount of

Unsurety

is alarming. How do we ever  know which is better, leading with the heart or the reason. If one or the other was an absolute we should have no problems, so it must be a combination.
Insert Hawking quote here.

8 9 10

Laundry, check.
Packing, check.
Is this really happening, i mean i knew it was coming but it just seams all so soon if i stop and think about it. Tomorrow, my plan is to leave the house in the morning and go to work as usual, except when i return 'home' it will be to pack up my bare necessities into Toby's truck. A desk, my computer, some clothes and Linens. I have that nervous feeling in my stomach again, i know i should be eating a meal right now but the hunger feeling is being replaced with eating my emotions. I'm trying to be strong, well i know i AM being strong, and i don't wanna cry. I'm happy to be getting out of this situation. A lot has happened in the last two weeks. Just in the laundry mat today i was thinking the walk over was weird, i knew something bad was coming because me and Mark were silent. Then he broke the news to me, he wanted to break up, he said there in the laundry mat. So now two weeks later, doing mine and his laundry, i just feel eerie, and lost. I don't know how we will react when he gets home from school. I wanna hold him so tight, and kiss him and not let go. He looks like an angel sleeping at night, i just want to hold him forever, squeezing tight. I guess this is what has to happen. When i realize that neither one of us can control the future as tragic as it sounds. It gives me comfort to know that my maturity allows me to see that its not a situation against me. I am not a victim of any kind, except perhaps to the hands of time. I'm scared because this is a leap of faith, and i am a few steps behind. I have barely a couple hundred dollars to my name. But i have a paid room in a apartment in Brooklyn for one whole month.
In this amount of time, my goal is to re-Aline my head into a only positive projection. I will meditate instead of stimulate. I will research and Boogie.. .
tb con.

Close Hearted, Open Minded.

August 5th 3:45pm Group Time, 2010

I put on my hat, turn it back,
phone in my pocket, pull keys from the rack.
Out the door onto east twelfth,
dreaming of riches of pleasure of wealth.
pacing fast, destinations not clear,
do i need a Coffee a lover a beer?
I sit in a chair with the Doc. in my head,
I tell'em my goals my fears and my dread.
Smile on my face when i get past those thoughts,
straighten my posture for instant results.
See i might not see the whole picture clear,
but I'm on the road, eyes forward, shift gear.
I can't help but wonder when feeling comes round,
what is he doing, and where in this town.
I'll pick up the phone or impulsively text,
but don't know if I'll handle the answer I expect.
Now my heads spinning so strong and divine,
connections I'm feeling are great and they're mine.
Fuck yes right now, I'm, riding this wave,
Enthralling, uplifting, emotionally brave.